According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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