there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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