omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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