Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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