I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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