if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
