I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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