Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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