i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
