problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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