Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
