I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
