i barfeds in our rink
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
