i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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