During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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