my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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