If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
