You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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