Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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