i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
