I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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