I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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