Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
