don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
