Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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