Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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