She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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