Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
