Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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