I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I pour the whiskey from now on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
