this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
