it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
