I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
