Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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