I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
