I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
