She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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