Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
