im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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