this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
