You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Come on in and take your pants off
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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