Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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