So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
