Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
