I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
