I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
