My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
