I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
