Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
