saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
