Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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