btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
