I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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