How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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