before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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