I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
