He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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