You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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