Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
