dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
