I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
