It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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