For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
