my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
