yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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