its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
