Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
