guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
