My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
