she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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