I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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