Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
