My room smells like vodka and shame
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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