I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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