So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
