38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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